All I Ever Wanted Was Everything

There was a story once shared with me about how hunters trap monkeys in the jungle. Fresh fruit is placed inside clear jars positioned out in the open. The monkeys must make a tight fist in order to retrieve the fruit, but they get stuck because they can’t remove their hand AND the fruit. Their frustration lies in the determination to have it all. What they don’t realize is that if they were to just let go of the fruit, they could be free. Yet most monkeys can’t let go.

It is human nature to want to “have your (fruit) and eat it too.” I want to save money and I really want a new pair of Steve Madden patent red sandals. I want to eat fistfuls of carbs and I want to lose weight.  I want to have a career I love without sacrificing the paycheck. I want to tend a pretty garden and not worry about chipping off a segment of my manicure.

Just the other day, the tanning bed got the words of Faith Hill’s, “Let Me Let Go” stuck in my head. I admit that same night I broke out into my own encore rendition for an entire audience of shower products. Reminding me that we can’t keep holding on to what weighs us down if we want to fly.

Sometimes I find myself traveling with the majority of the population; holding on to things because I am fearful of never having a second or third chance at it. I no longer want to be a part of those that are scared to sacrifice and therefore really let go and live.

“for many be called, but few chosen.” – Matthew 20:16

 

I’ve always lived by the rule of thumb, life’s too short- buy the shoes! However, I don’t want to be a monkey. I’d rather let go of the closet space and seek financial peace. I’d be more satisfied if I skipped Spring Creek’s hot fresh rolls and ran a little extra.

Lesson learned: Once you decide to be freed from the jar, we must trust The One that came to rescue us. After all, The Lord guarantees an orchard of endless fruit if we would just let go.

“My Life Was In Dire Need of a Ctrl+Alt+Delete” –Anne Taintor

The summer of 6^th grade was a rough one for me. I broke the heart of a boy for the first time, moved to a new neighborhood, started my awkward middle school phase, and got my first bad haircut. You see, ever since I moved from Pennsylvania to Texas I had been working incredibly hard at growing out my bangs. They were in my way, always needed to be trimmed, and more notably outdated. The very week that they were long enough to fit into my pony tail; I cut them.

(Afterthought : what the Eff did I do that for?!?)

After the first cut, you can’t go back. Not to mention, I further decided to offset my throwback bangs by adding blond highlights and layers. Well, those subtle natural looking highlights ended up forming an almost solid layer of yellow around my once brown head, ANDDDD the layers made me look like a mix between a shaggy dog and Farrah Faucet. Can you please envision the horror of my roots as they grew out because mother refused to let me dye my hair back?

WORST PUNISHMENT EVER!!!

{for those who think seeing is believing, here is visual proof… Don't let the smile fool you, my attitude was worst than those sunglasses!}

If I would have known then that were more traumatic situations I would have to live with a lot longer, I probably wouldn’t have cried for nights and nights over my drastic hairdo.

Turns out, as we mature and progress down our paths of life, we are faced with more things that we don’t get a chance to undo; things that time, a bottle of hair dye or a baseball cap can’t fix after they are damaged. Things like misspoken words, life threatening diseases, and Mother Nature’s lovely polka dot pattern on my thighs also known as cellulite. (Though for arguments sake, I am pretty sure that is a gift from the devil and not the one that adorns herself in Prada).

Sometimes you don’t get a second chance, yet security in always doing things right the first time isn't guaranteed either. I don’t believe there has to be a cure in order for you to be healed, nor do I believe that everything happens for a reason. I do, however, believe that there is good in all things. My “new” hair, for instance, was atrocious, but my mother still has the picture in a frame – saved for a good laugh on a bad day. This I am certain.

Fortune-It

As Beth Moore would agree, a great week means the menu has included Mexican food at least 3 times. (Clearly my favorite) My third favorite cuisine is any type of Asian and everything else ties at second place. Therefore, you can imagine my vast, utterly indescribable enthusiasm when I was informed that a bachelorette dinner for my friend Jennifer got moved from Uncle Julios to P.F. Changs.


As everyone’s order was being taken, I simply asked for a cocktail and four fortune cookies. As our waiter, Matt, questioned if that was all I wanted, I answered yes. Thinking the conversation was over, he informed me that normally there was a STRICT policy of only ONE fortune cookie per customer. I simply replied in my sweet, southern voice, “But Matt… I would like to be fortunate enough to choose my own fortune.” And so guess what? He brought me 5! And all five were pretty cliché- Bummer!

Since telling my friends of this event and my new love of fortune cookies, each time they order Chinese food, they are sure to pick up a fortune cookie for me and either deliver it or take a picture and text me my fortune. Last night was one of those times. Allow me to be completely transparent with you, my life has been a whirlwind of mass chaos and lots of tough situations. I even prayed (despite feeling as though I am on mute most of the time) that these decisions would work itself out because the stress and challenge of correctly assessing each one laid before me was simply too much. Then a series of events started to occur, similar to a domino effect, but in the worst of worse ways. I should have learned from Teddy Roosevelt’s shoe dilemma that when we allow the cobblestone to make choices for us, we end up having one shoe with a round toe and the other toe a square. I didn’t though.

So last night, once again wishing a magician would make my troubles disappear right along with his white, fluffy rabbit and thanks to friends ordering take out, I opened a fortune cookie. It read, “nothing is more difficult and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide.” My jaw dropped faster than Usain Bolt can sprint 100 yards. It was most certainly a wake up call and about as pleasant as one. Looks like those cliché fortunes that P.F. Changs was gracious enough to make an exemption for, will come in handy as they read,

1. “you discover treasures where others see nothing unusual”

2. “a true friend in the market is greater than money in the purse”

3. “don’t put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today”

4. “emotions can be sweet and sour, so can your meal” (or drink,in my case; a cherry vodka sour)

What happens next is the scariest part- the recoil, aftermath, and damage to be incurred by those affected. The bright side, being able to decide while I am still fortunate enough to have some grasp of control. Not to mention, last time this same wave of excitement came crashing down on the shores of my reality when receiving tragic restaurant news, I discovered the greatness that is a fortune cookie.

And so the fifth fortune (that I was surprised with) will be my action plan, “time heals all wounds, keep your chin up.”

Better Late than Never

I know what you’re probably thinking… TIMEOUT! {in Zack Morris voice, of course} this is February not January. We are already a month into the New Year and you are just now posting this?! The answer is yes. I chose to take an entire month to reflect on E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G that is happened over the course of the past year. I have established a lot, but what I want to share is lessons learned and goals that will help aid me in forward progression to the person I desire to be.


Ten Lessons Learned in 2010

1. The hottest fires create the toughest steel.
2. If I don’t make a decision, someone else will make it for me.
3. A heart can be broken, but will beat just the same.
4. It is an heiress biggest sin to be boring.
5. I will hurt the people I love the most.
6. Forgiveness is a big word and so is love.
7. No matter how much I change, I will pay the price for the wrong that I’ve done.
8. Disclosed feelings and open communication lead to stronger relationships and more happiness.
9. It is never okay to give up apart of myself to become a part of someone else.
10. The start of faith is at the end of my comfort zone.

Eleven Goals for 2011

1. Use the word love sparingly {thanks, Claire!}
2. Take the time to understand myself.
3. Be diligent in devotionals daily.
4. Save more, spend less.
5. Simplify.
6. Don’t major on the minors.
7. Find a career path that aligns with my values not my lifestyle choices.
8. Treasure relationships, and allow others to break down walls I have built.
9. Take one day at a time. And I really mean just one not 10 or 15.
10. Keep my car cleaned out.
11. Start running again for me. {know it may be cliché, but I just had to include it}



Note: I have discovered that while I post this I am being somewhat of a hypocrite to myself because just the other day I told a friend that I was simply only going to make monthly goals so that I actually attain them. However, I feel it’s just as important to have overall yearly goals too. Creating more opportunities for success… can one really argue that philosophy?! {rhetorical question…don’t answer that!}